Psychic-tymes welcomes a new writer to the ezine. Sophie Childs is a pagan mother of two based in England. She is an active member of the Yahoo Group Witches and Wizards in London. Her common sense and vigorous search for truth has impressed our editor and now, we hope, will impress our readers too.

I am what could be called pagan, although it’s not a term that I use to describe myself. I am also mother to two small children. So it comes as a surprise to some when they discover that I am heavily opposed to bringing up children to actively follow any religion, especially a pagan one.

There are a number of reasons for this. First of all, how do you define “pagan”? I have yet to come across a definition that fully embraces all the approaches I have seen. Paganism is a religion. It isn’t. Pagans believe in a God and Goddess. Pagans work with a multitude of pantheons and more than one God. Pagans celebrate the Sabbats. Pagans do not have to celebrate the Sabbats. Pagans cast spells. Pagans do not have to cast spells. Pagans cast circles. Circles are not necessary. And so on and so on. If adults cannot even agree on what being pagan really means, how on earth can you expect a child to find their way through the maze? At best, all you can say is that some pagans believe x – but not all of them.

I have come across countless numbers who were brought up Christian and have consequently been left with permanent damage in one way or another. They resent their parents imposing their beliefs on them and even though they have moved on, find it very difficult to fully break free from the limits Christian thinking has placed on them. Why should it be any different for a child that has pagan views imprinted on them from a very early age? How can rewriting “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep” so that it refers to the Goddess instead of the God, and having your child recite it parrot fashion every night, be any better? Someone trying to bring up little pagans may well find that it backfires on them in a major way later. Now whilst I can understand someone who feels that they were lied to by their parents bringing them up in one religion has now found the Answer, the One True Way, because they have discovered it as an adult, I cannot understand that person then thinking that this will automatically be the Answer for their children. It may not be. We each have to walk our own path and we ought to show our children the same respect we would have liked our parents to have shown us.

Even worse was a ritual I once saw circulated on an email list, supposedly for your children to actively participate in. It included instructions for your child to cast a circle and called upon elementals and the Fey to “play with us!” I cannot imagine a more irresponsible or foolish thing than to invite the Fey to play with your children – and anyone who has done any serious work with elementals will tell you that their concept of play is very different to ours. Magick is dangerous. It can do as much harm as good, if not more so. As an adult, you are in a position to accept the results of your workings – if you are responsible, you should not be expecting your children to do the same.

If you follow an initiatory tradition, chances are, your coven or magickal group has a minimum age of 18 or even higher. There are good reasons for this, not least of which is the fact that a child has enough to deal with in simply growing up, without muddying the waters with magick. There will be time enough for that when they are old enough to ask for initiation themselves and understand the consequences of that asking. Oaths made to your Gods that may include not revealing certain information to anyone not oath-bound will still apply to your children, even though they are related to you.

Image from the Cottingly fairies case

If you are not initiated, then the situation becomes even more tricky. Now let me state quite categorically that I am by no means stating that if you are not initiated, then you cannot know what you are doing, nor that you cannot have a connection with deity. However, there are an awful lot of poorly written, misinformed books and web sites out there which many solitaries are reliant on when they start out. The ideas presented can sound wonderfully attractive and the newcomer feels a sense of joy that they are connecting to the Old Ways without realising that, in fact, what they think is “old” was actually invented during the 20th century, frequently by someone who realised they could sell a few books that way.

It is very easy to get caught up in the moment when you feel that sense of homecoming on reading a book that speaks to you so that you accept it without question – but you can guarantee that if there are things you don’t question, your children will, and you need to be sure that you have a better reply than “because” when they ask why you do certain things if you do not want them to think that paganism is a load of made-up nonsense. For instance, many people seem to use the words “pagan,” “witch” and “Wiccan” interchangeably, yet they are far from the same things. So in celebrating so-called pagan Sabbats, you may well find that what you are trying to mark are Wiccan festivals – and you may not even be using an appropriate name for them (ever ask yourself why some people call the autumn equinox “Mabon?” The answer may not be what you think and has nothing to do with the Celts).

I have heard people argue that if you teach children “pagan” skills young, then you are saving them a lot of hard work later and I agree with this – to a point. Many of the so-called pagan skills, if you are teaching them to children, are part of what would be, for me, an idyllic childhood. Learning how to garden is fun! Being able to identify birds by their calls or feathers, knowing what a tree is by its leaves, seeing what animals have visited your garden by the traces they leave behind are all wonderful things to do. Encouraging your child to use their imagination actively and as often as they can, can be of great help with their school work, as well as letting them play some fantastic games along the way. But none of these need to be done within a pagan context. And whilst being able to recite the attributes of any given crystal might be of use should they decide to join a coven, if you have not exercised discernment in your choice of sources, they may well find that they have to relearn everything you have taught them from scratch – and losing the habits of a lifetime is a lot more difficult than acquiring new ones.

Tituba, Servant of the Rev. Samuel Parris, Teaching the Children the Elements of Witchcraft.

In most religions, it is not the job of the parents to teach – that falls to the priest or religious teacher. Instead, the parent provides a culture appropriate to that religion in the home. I fail to see why paganism should be any different and why some people seem to think that they are appropriately qualified to teach about witchcraft or the Goddess purely because they’ve read a few books and light a candle to the full moon once in a while. By all means humour your children when they say they talk to the little people at the bottom of the garden. Keep folklore and traditions alive in your home by reading them myths and fairy stories. Teach them herb lore, how to make incense and candles and other practical skills and crafts. Just keep religion out of it, for the sake of the children.

By Sophie Childs

Links:

James Randi Eduactionl Library
Information about the Cottingly Fairies.

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